We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
