i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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