Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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