remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
