you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize