I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
