Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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