I think i sorta joined a cult last night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
