My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
