she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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