I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
