The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
