my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
