why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
