tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
porn star boner night. come get it.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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