I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
