The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
