I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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