uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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