i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
