today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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