You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
barbara walters just said penis...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
