i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
