elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
