i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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