have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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