I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
