I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
