You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize