forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
