i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize