Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
