DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We left the knife in your bed.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
