Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
