If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
