mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
