dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
