I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize