Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
