I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
