Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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