i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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