You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
