I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
