if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize