so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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