Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
