a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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