i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Acid is not a monday night drug
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
