you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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