Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize