i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
