I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
