he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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