so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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