Duck Duck Cougar?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
