I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
