I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
