I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
