I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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