Someone shit on the floor
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
