there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
