guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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