3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
