every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
