After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
