i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
