She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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