There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize