sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
