Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
