After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize