Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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