..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
