grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
