Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
