I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize