If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
