I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
