We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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