I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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