I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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